The Depressed Overachiever
Mark, 42, is a software engineer who has built a successful career on precision and problem-solving. Lately, however, he has felt a persistent sense of emptiness that no promotion, bonus, or recognition can shake. Tasks that once energized him now feel mechanical, and even hobbies he used to enjoy seem hollow. He notices himself withdrawing from friends, skipping social activities, and feeling increasingly disconnected from his family. Nights are restless, mornings are heavy, and he finds himself wondering: “Am I doing enough? Am I enough?”
The son of an attorney and a CEO, Mark grew up around hard work and success. Whenever he would feel sad or worried about his performance in school, they would remind him to “focus on doing better next time.” As a teenager, he remembered approaching them for support over a breakup, and they responded, “It’s for the best. She would have gotten in the way of your career anyway.” These attitudes left Mark feeling his emotions had no place in the household.
The sense of futility Mark felt at work stirred a familiar undercurrent of sadness he had long ignored. The emotional detachment he felt in the workplace mirrored early experiences in which his feelings were minimized or dismissed, reinforcing a sense that expressing needs or dissatisfaction was unsafe. He withdrew further, going through the motions while internally ruminating on meaninglessness, which only intensified his depression.
Mark has learned over time to deal with his sadness by sequestering it out of consciousness in a variety of ways. He keeps an emotional distance from projects at work by focusing on tasks and numbers rather than how he feels. He pushes aside frustration, sadness, and disappointment, keeping his emotions separate from his work so he can appear competent and in control. He tells himself, “This is just how corporate projects go,” which helps him avoid facing the emptiness and disconnection he feels. Over time, this pattern of shutting down and ignoring his feelings protects him in the moment but reinforces his ongoing sense of isolation and low mood.
Helping Mark could involve providing a safe space where he doesn’t have to hide or push aside his feelings. Exploring how his early experiences shape the way he reacts to work and relationships might help him understand patterns that keep him disconnected from his emotions. Medication could help relieve symptoms like low mood, fatigue, and anxiety, making it easier for him to engage in therapy. Over time, Mark might begin to notice and express his feelings without judgment, build a stronger sense of self-worth beyond achievements, and find ways to engage more fully with both his work and personal life. The goal is not just relief from symptoms, but a deeper understanding of himself and a more balanced, fulfilling way of living.
