The Depressed Overachiever

Mark, 42, is a software engineer who has built a successful career on precision and problem-solving. Lately, however, he has felt a persistent sense of emptiness that no promotion, bonus, or recognition can shake. Tasks that once energized him now feel mechanical, and even hobbies he used to enjoy seem hollow. He notices himself withdrawing from friends, skipping social activities, and feeling increasingly disconnected from his family. Nights are restless, mornings are heavy, and he finds himself wondering: “Am I doing enough? Am I enough?”

The son of an attorney and a CEO, Mark grew up around hard work and success. Whenever he would feel sad or worried about his performance in school, they would remind him to “focus on doing better next time.” As a teenager, he remembered approaching them for support over a breakup, and they responded, “It’s for the best. She would have gotten in the way of your career anyway.” These attitudes left Mark feeling his emotions had no place in the household.

The sense of futility Mark felt at work stirred a familiar undercurrent of sadness he had long ignored. The emotional detachment he felt in the workplace mirrored early experiences in which his feelings were minimized or dismissed, reinforcing a sense that expressing needs or dissatisfaction was unsafe. He withdrew further, going through the motions while internally ruminating on meaninglessness, which only intensified his depression.

Mark has learned over time to deal with his sadness by sequestering it out of consciousness in a variety of ways. He keeps an emotional distance from projects at work by focusing on tasks and numbers rather than how he feels. He pushes aside frustration, sadness, and disappointment, keeping his emotions separate from his work so he can appear competent and in control. He tells himself, “This is just how corporate projects go,” which helps him avoid facing the emptiness and disconnection he feels. Over time, this pattern of shutting down and ignoring his feelings protects him in the moment but reinforces his ongoing sense of isolation and low mood.

Helping Mark could involve providing a safe space where he doesn’t have to hide or push aside his feelings. Exploring how his early experiences shape the way he reacts to work and relationships might help him understand patterns that keep him disconnected from his emotions. Medication could help relieve symptoms like low mood, fatigue, and anxiety, making it easier for him to engage in therapy. Over time, Mark might begin to notice and express his feelings without judgment, build a stronger sense of self-worth beyond achievements, and find ways to engage more fully with both his work and personal life. The goal is not just relief from symptoms, but a deeper understanding of himself and a more balanced, fulfilling way of living.

The Perfectionist

Elena, 38, is a marketing manager who prides herself on being responsible and thorough. At work, she completes each task with diligence and has always been praised for going the extra mile. When a new director joined the company and began favoring quick, flashy work over her careful approach, Elena felt an unexpected surge of irritation and helplessness. She tells herself it’s just about “bad management,” but beneath the surface, she feels a familiar sting that she can’t quite put into words. Lately, her sleep has been restless, her mood irritable and anxious, and she’s found herself daydreaming about quitting—while also feeling guilty for wanting to.

Growing up, she was often praised for being “the responsible one” in her family. She was always expected to have a perfect report card. Her parents would say little more than “good job” before moving on to whatever else they were doing. If she ever demonstrated less than perfect performance—even something as small as receiving an B—they would criticize her. As a child, she learned to expect that love and approval were earned through responsibility and hard work. Sloppy work was simply out of the question. Yet she often said how much she respected her parents for instilling in her a strong work ethic.

For Elena, there is a particular unconscious template for interactions with authority figures: she only feels “enough” when she performs well. She likely harbors deep, conflicting feelings toward her parents—on the one hand, a longing for love and acceptance that seemed to be awarded rather than given unconditionally, and on the other, resentment for their emotional distance. The tension between her need for approval and fear of rejection maintains her anxiety and restlessness. The new director’s disregard for her efforts was the perfect trigger for her unresolved inner conflict between longing and resentment toward an authority figure.

If Elena had ever expressed anger toward her parents, she might have risked losing their praise—and therefore, their love. Yet anger does not simply evaporate. Over time, she learned to keep her anger at bay by suppressing it or channeling it into overperformance and perfectionism. It’s possible she has become more conscious of her frustration with the director because the stakes are lower: she could find another job if needed, but she can’t find new parents.

Helping Elena could involve a combination of approaches. From a biological perspective, medication may help alleviate her emotional and physical symptoms of anxiety, irritability, and difficulty sleeping. As her mind begins to settle, she may be better able to tolerate deeper psychological work. In therapy, exploring her patterns could help her recognize how her drive for perfectionism serves both as a defense against rejection and as a way of perpetuating earlier dynamics rather than resolving them. By doing so, she can begin to create space for a more authentic and self-compassionate way of relating to work and authority.